Written some time before I began this JustMe blog:
I really wish I could post this. I don't like the fact that I feel my blog has been taken away from me. I don't want to offend my in laws (who read this blog), yet I have a right to my own feelings...
But then again, I don't want them critiquing me when I do not claim to have a concrete only one way on things... I am ever changing. I guess if I put that disclaimer on it, I'd feel ok about letting go of the fact that I'm being critiqued, but as of right now, I cannot let go of the fact that if they see how much my thoughts differ from theirs, their feelings will probably be hurt. So it is for them that I am writing these posts, and not publishing them. Maybe at some point, I will just get tired of it, and say, "Oh, grow up. Don't get hurt because of my thoughts, just realize that I am different from you, and let it go." But right now I feel that that would be callous. Yet I don't feel that it would be fair for me to have to start a whole other blog just because this one is "being watched".... so the debate in my head rages on because I like to blog on the internet, not just privately...
Ok, so that is one of the things I am a little frustrated with this morning. Secondly, I woke up thinking about how Kim cancelled our swapping moms arrangement, and how she was talking about Jaidyn "throwing a fit", and how it was because she was tired. But before she realized that she was 'just tired', she thought about how her 2 year old doesn't even act like that.... A common thought. But one that frustrates me. Her 2 year old doesn't act like that because she's been beaten or threatened into submission. NOT because she has better manners. 2, 4, and even 6 year olds have the most trouble 'controlling their emotions'. but even adults have trouble with that sometimes.
Kim said that people learn to accomodate other people. For example as an adult if you are tired going to work, you don't treat people like sh*t just because you are tired. And I thought to myself, "yes, Kim, but that's because you are AN ADULT and you have learned THROUGH EXPERIENCE that people don't like that. 4 year olds don't have enough experience yet to do that...." Furthermore, if you are a grumpy adult, do you like someone to gently point out to you how you are acting, or do you want someone yelling at you? It's a matter of treating someone how you would like to be treated.
Ok. that was my second frustration. Thirdly, I get frustrated at the fact that I cannot be perfectly in line with anyone else's beliefs. Even my husband, and my next closest friend Laura, and I do not have exactly the same beliefs. I was used to having this Perfect Circle around me whose boundaries enclosed everyone I agreed with, and there were at least 6 other people... It was nice to feel so.... safe? I guess that's what I felt. Safe. Safe because no one would vehemently disagree with me. My self esteem was constantly being uplifted when we discussed how other people who did NOT agree with us, were either just plain wrong, or just outside the Perfect Circle. Now my safety net is gone. I feel constantly exposed to the elements of the winds of change. I feel naked and unsure. I do NOT LIKE this feeling. I realize that in the long run it will probably serve the purpose of making me tougher, which is probably a good thing. I spent many years in the safety of the inner part of the Perfect Circle, with my inlaws and my husband constantly monitoring the borders for me, keeping me small and defenseless in the middle of the Circle. Now I am forcing myself to grow by stepping outside the circle. Walking out into the great big Universe on my own. I guess that says something about me. That I AM strong. That I am brave. Maybe instead of feeling frustrated that I am standing out here in the cold winds, I should put my winter gear on, and head out to my destination.
Then I face the frustration of not really knowing my final destination, and I am headed back to thinking about my purpose. I'm going to go write more on that post.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Wow. Well Said.
I can't believe I used to call myself a parent who "spanked". It never felt right to me, (unless I did it out of anger, of course), but when in my right mind, I just told my child that the Bible told me I "had" to do this. What a load of SHIT. Excuse my anger... As a child I remember telling myself, "My mom tells me to stop crying, or she'll spank my again. This makes no sense, because spanking just makes me cry more! I will never do this to my kids."
I wish I would have listened to my inner child for the first 11 years of my parenting.
I have been free of the spanking mentality for over a year now. I wish I had written down the date, so I could celebrate the anniversary.
Some people reserve "spanking" as the "last possible option"... I guess you could look at it that way.... IF your "child" is bigger than you, and happens to be physically harming you, or someone else. You might hit then. But in that case, I assume you wouldn't call it spanking. You'd call it what it hitting.
So, read on for a well articulated reason that America should outlaw "spanking". I find especially compelling the thought of hitting mentally retarded children. How sad. And yet, how much sadder is it than hitting a normal child?
I consider myself something of a constitutionalist, and for the life of
me I don't recall any section of the Constitution, or the BOR giving me
the right to hit someone else. Even if it is 'just' children.
While I can understand the urge to stand up for one's rights, I also
expect that we be abundantly clear about what a "right" is.
This particular argument, to me, seems to lead ... from our BOR ... in
the direction of objectifying children, since our BOR is very specific
about our possessions and the right to be secure in them.
Now either a child is a possession, someone else's possession
(presumably parents or other legal caretaker) or they are their own in
certain particular areas.
My understand of human rights flies directly in the face of the
"possession," argument ... that my child is "mine," in the sense I can
do anything with or to them that I want.
Now if I can't kill him, and I can't injure him, and I think we all
agree on these as being proscribed, what gives me, over all other human
beings, the right to hit him and give it another name to cover up my
assault?
If I hit anyone other than a child except in defense of self or other
(and I may well be required to prove in court that such a precondition
existed) I have done battery and will very likely be found not only
guilty of assault, but I may well be sued for a violation of that
person's civil rights.
I've seen many times the argument that, "well, being a child we have an
obligation to protect them and sometimes it necessary -- traffic entries
being an example -- to hit, "spank" the child to teach them to stay out
of traffic."
So if I have a person in my care of limited capacity, say
developmentally disabled, it is ethically acceptable to hit them to
teach them to stay out of traffic? If they are 18 years of age or older
I may go to jail for doing so. And that is right and moral, not just
legal.
There is, in my view and opinion, not only nothing about a child that
supports the use of the deliberate application of pain to teach (natural
consequences are an entirely different argument ... as they are
spontaneous, and spanking is not) but in fact a far stronger argument
that the deliberate use of pain is uncalled for and counter productive
based on research, just as the article points out.
So we have two strikes. One the moral question, the other the efficacy
question. The third strike is one I know of personally.
Having worked with mentally ill children I assure you, among the most
difficult, the most damaged, there was not a single child that had not
been spanked. And while some had been brutally treated, many had not.
While they were difficult children and may have been even if never
spanked, unquestionably spanking ... the use of pain by a caregiver, did
NOT lend to their mental health nor their normal development.
They spent, as we used to label it, too much time looking over their
shoulder and trying to compensate for the constant anxiety and fear that
pain was coming from a caregiver.
I wish I would have listened to my inner child for the first 11 years of my parenting.
I have been free of the spanking mentality for over a year now. I wish I had written down the date, so I could celebrate the anniversary.
Some people reserve "spanking" as the "last possible option"... I guess you could look at it that way.... IF your "child" is bigger than you, and happens to be physically harming you, or someone else. You might hit then. But in that case, I assume you wouldn't call it spanking. You'd call it what it hitting.
So, read on for a well articulated reason that America should outlaw "spanking". I find especially compelling the thought of hitting mentally retarded children. How sad. And yet, how much sadder is it than hitting a normal child?
I consider myself something of a constitutionalist, and for the life of
me I don't recall any section of the Constitution, or the BOR giving me
the right to hit someone else. Even if it is 'just' children.
While I can understand the urge to stand up for one's rights, I also
expect that we be abundantly clear about what a "right" is.
This particular argument, to me, seems to lead ... from our BOR ... in
the direction of objectifying children, since our BOR is very specific
about our possessions and the right to be secure in them.
Now either a child is a possession, someone else's possession
(presumably parents or other legal caretaker) or they are their own in
certain particular areas.
My understand of human rights flies directly in the face of the
"possession,
do anything with or to them that I want.
Now if I can't kill him, and I can't injure him, and I think we all
agree on these as being proscribed, what gives me, over all other human
beings, the right to hit him and give it another name to cover up my
assault?
If I hit anyone other than a child except in defense of self or other
(and I may well be required to prove in court that such a precondition
existed) I have done battery and will very likely be found not only
guilty of assault, but I may well be sued for a violation of that
person's civil rights.
I've seen many times the argument that, "well, being a child we have an
obligation to protect them and sometimes it necessary -- traffic entries
being an example -- to hit, "spank" the child to teach them to stay out
of traffic."
So if I have a person in my care of limited capacity, say
developmentally disabled, it is ethically acceptable to hit them to
teach them to stay out of traffic? If they are 18 years of age or older
I may go to jail for doing so. And that is right and moral, not just
legal.
There is, in my view and opinion, not only nothing about a child that
supports the use of the deliberate application of pain to teach (natural
consequences are an entirely different argument ... as they are
spontaneous, and spanking is not) but in fact a far stronger argument
that the deliberate use of pain is uncalled for and counter productive
based on research, just as the article points out.
So we have two strikes. One the moral question, the other the efficacy
question. The third strike is one I know of personally.
Having worked with mentally ill children I assure you, among the most
difficult, the most damaged, there was not a single child that had not
been spanked. And while some had been brutally treated, many had not.
While they were difficult children and may have been even if never
spanked, unquestionably spanking ... the use of pain by a caregiver, did
NOT lend to their mental health nor their normal development.
They spent, as we used to label it, too much time looking over their
shoulder and trying to compensate for the constant anxiety and fear that
pain was coming from a caregiver.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
The Wheels are Turning
I'm thinking this morning about my kids and school. My kids and their internal motivations. My kids and their desires. My husband's desires. My desires. There has GOT to be a way to get everyone's needs met!!
Aaron swears that he does NOT want to go to school. Travis mostly does not want to go, but he likes the classroom/teacher setting of learning. Jesse likes the classroom setting, and the teasing around with other kids, and the feeling he gets from getting good grades. It probably is the feeling of accomplishment like Travis gets from making magazine sales. Savannah likes being taught in a classroom setting too, and she likes her teacher being laid back and quiet speaking, not demanding and loud. I would not have known any of these things had my kids not decided that they wanted to try school.
My mind feels like it is starting to open. I am seeing the nuances rather than the blacks and whites this morning, that's why I just HAD to sit down and blog.
It's NOT about "going to school" or "quitting school"! It's about certain needs that human beings have getting met. Aaron has a need to be home with his family more time during the day than to be out with other people. He has said that "they" the teachers at school WANT the kids to be away from their families all day. And how could he think anything else? They are happy acting and positive about the kids being in school.
This NEEDS BEING MET thinking really helps me to understand why it seems like the kids are so, ON AGAIN, OFF AGAIN, when it comes to school. My dh says, "yes, they don't want to go in the morning, but then they are happy and say that "it was fun" when they come home". This must mean that they DO like school, and they just "have" to do certain things like get up early, be away from your family, etc. to be able to go. I knew in my heart that this is not how I feel about it. I do not think that they are 'just kids' who don't really know what they want, but I did not have the words to articulate the feelings inside me.
I tried to explain that they are happy getting off of the bus because they are finally home after being away all day (my daughter even said that to me), and that they say that is was "fun" because they DO remember SOME fun things, and they know that Dad wants to hear about the fun things, but overall, they are not getting ALL of their needs met there. They get some needs met, like hearing new information from an adult, and doing a variety of things in a day, getting a little bit of excercise on the playground, etc. But their needs to be autonomous, to not have to raise their hand to talk, to go to the bathroom as needed, to learn longer about Science, but not as long about English, to just lay down when they are tired, to eat when they are hungry, their needs to be with people that they love when they want to be, etc, etc, etc...Those needs are not being met. I think that going to school needs to be an internal decision that they make using their needs as decision makers. Needs being met on one side of the scale and needs not being met on the other. Some needs weigh more than others. We don't have to tell them what to do. They know inside of themselves what needs need met. We just have to figure out a way to get their needs met, and our needs met at the same time. I don't have a need for them to go to school. I have a need to have variety and creative outlets in my life. I have needs that can be met in a variety of ways like they do. Maybe school will be right for some of the kids and not for others. Maybe I don't need an institutionalized life to be happy. I just need my needs met. My needs for interaction with people, my needs for artistic outlet. My needs for some "just thinking" time (like I am having right now with two of my kids sitting beside me, one napping, two being read to by their grandma, and one reading in the kitchen.) I want to think in terms of needs, not in terms of have to's. I just didn't have those words yet.
What got me thinking all of this was my 10 year old ds going out to sell magazines. He is one of those kids that people would describe as "sullen, difficult, stubborn, negative" at times. I will not use those negative labels intentionally ever again!!! He is thoughtful, persistent, thorough, fair, and maybe more pessimistic at times, when he feels like all the world's against him.
But this morning, he came back from selling magazines, excited because he'd remembered to go back to his customers' houses and give them their receipts after forgetting them at the time of the original sale. My mom and I were looking through the papers trying to help him, and we realized that he had given them the magazine supplier receipt instead of the customer receipt.
Ds got sad and said, "Oh man, I don't know what I am doing with this thing!" He was internally downing himself with all kinds of self disgust rhetoric, I'm sure. My mom and I tried to tell him it was no big deal, that they would not think that he didn't know what he was doing, that they would be fine with him exchanging the receipts. Then dh and I were chatting online, and he said, "Oh! the customers will LIKE it if he comes back to exchange it!"
I thought, "He's right! They WILL like it! They will think, 'This kid is really thorough! He's really got his head on straight.' "
THAT GOT ME THINKING.
If we can see that Travis is persistent, reliable, and thorough, why do we have to think thoughts about him like:
"He is quitting school. He isn't trying hard enough. What if this means that he's lazy and won't hold down a job? What if he just wants to sit at home and watch TV or YouTube or play video games all day long, and never help with the housework or do any kind of work?"
What kind of negative fearful thinking is that?! It is fear and negativity that WE are giving in to!
Why can't we be thinking, Hmm... I know that he is a thorough, motivated, reliable person. What at school is de-motivating him? Can we change that? And also be willing to accept that maybe the school environment is not changeable enough to accomodate his needs. And be willing to help him find a life that meets his needs for self esteem, etc.. while also allowing the rest of us to have our needs met....
Life, Love, and the Pursuit of Happiness.... Doesn't this apply to kids to?
More on this later, as my family needs me to help with homework, magazine sales, lunch,etc.. and I need a shower... :)
Aaron swears that he does NOT want to go to school. Travis mostly does not want to go, but he likes the classroom/teacher setting of learning. Jesse likes the classroom setting, and the teasing around with other kids, and the feeling he gets from getting good grades. It probably is the feeling of accomplishment like Travis gets from making magazine sales. Savannah likes being taught in a classroom setting too, and she likes her teacher being laid back and quiet speaking, not demanding and loud. I would not have known any of these things had my kids not decided that they wanted to try school.
My mind feels like it is starting to open. I am seeing the nuances rather than the blacks and whites this morning, that's why I just HAD to sit down and blog.
It's NOT about "going to school" or "quitting school"! It's about certain needs that human beings have getting met. Aaron has a need to be home with his family more time during the day than to be out with other people. He has said that "they" the teachers at school WANT the kids to be away from their families all day. And how could he think anything else? They are happy acting and positive about the kids being in school.
This NEEDS BEING MET thinking really helps me to understand why it seems like the kids are so, ON AGAIN, OFF AGAIN, when it comes to school. My dh says, "yes, they don't want to go in the morning, but then they are happy and say that "it was fun" when they come home". This must mean that they DO like school, and they just "have" to do certain things like get up early, be away from your family, etc. to be able to go. I knew in my heart that this is not how I feel about it. I do not think that they are 'just kids' who don't really know what they want, but I did not have the words to articulate the feelings inside me.
I tried to explain that they are happy getting off of the bus because they are finally home after being away all day (my daughter even said that to me), and that they say that is was "fun" because they DO remember SOME fun things, and they know that Dad wants to hear about the fun things, but overall, they are not getting ALL of their needs met there. They get some needs met, like hearing new information from an adult, and doing a variety of things in a day, getting a little bit of excercise on the playground, etc. But their needs to be autonomous, to not have to raise their hand to talk, to go to the bathroom as needed, to learn longer about Science, but not as long about English, to just lay down when they are tired, to eat when they are hungry, their needs to be with people that they love when they want to be, etc, etc, etc...Those needs are not being met. I think that going to school needs to be an internal decision that they make using their needs as decision makers. Needs being met on one side of the scale and needs not being met on the other. Some needs weigh more than others. We don't have to tell them what to do. They know inside of themselves what needs need met. We just have to figure out a way to get their needs met, and our needs met at the same time. I don't have a need for them to go to school. I have a need to have variety and creative outlets in my life. I have needs that can be met in a variety of ways like they do. Maybe school will be right for some of the kids and not for others. Maybe I don't need an institutionalized life to be happy. I just need my needs met. My needs for interaction with people, my needs for artistic outlet. My needs for some "just thinking" time (like I am having right now with two of my kids sitting beside me, one napping, two being read to by their grandma, and one reading in the kitchen.) I want to think in terms of needs, not in terms of have to's. I just didn't have those words yet.
What got me thinking all of this was my 10 year old ds going out to sell magazines. He is one of those kids that people would describe as "sullen, difficult, stubborn, negative" at times. I will not use those negative labels intentionally ever again!!! He is thoughtful, persistent, thorough, fair, and maybe more pessimistic at times, when he feels like all the world's against him.
But this morning, he came back from selling magazines, excited because he'd remembered to go back to his customers' houses and give them their receipts after forgetting them at the time of the original sale. My mom and I were looking through the papers trying to help him, and we realized that he had given them the magazine supplier receipt instead of the customer receipt.
Ds got sad and said, "Oh man, I don't know what I am doing with this thing!" He was internally downing himself with all kinds of self disgust rhetoric, I'm sure. My mom and I tried to tell him it was no big deal, that they would not think that he didn't know what he was doing, that they would be fine with him exchanging the receipts. Then dh and I were chatting online, and he said, "Oh! the customers will LIKE it if he comes back to exchange it!"
I thought, "He's right! They WILL like it! They will think, 'This kid is really thorough! He's really got his head on straight.' "
THAT GOT ME THINKING.
If we can see that Travis is persistent, reliable, and thorough, why do we have to think thoughts about him like:
"He is quitting school. He isn't trying hard enough. What if this means that he's lazy and won't hold down a job? What if he just wants to sit at home and watch TV or YouTube or play video games all day long, and never help with the housework or do any kind of work?"
What kind of negative fearful thinking is that?! It is fear and negativity that WE are giving in to!
Why can't we be thinking, Hmm... I know that he is a thorough, motivated, reliable person. What at school is de-motivating him? Can we change that? And also be willing to accept that maybe the school environment is not changeable enough to accomodate his needs. And be willing to help him find a life that meets his needs for self esteem, etc.. while also allowing the rest of us to have our needs met....
Life, Love, and the Pursuit of Happiness.... Doesn't this apply to kids to?
More on this later, as my family needs me to help with homework, magazine sales, lunch,etc.. and I need a shower... :)
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Just Journaling : So many things, so little time
This is my relax time, my shoulders rubbed in the corner before heading out into the boxing ring time. I'm sitting at my computer, and sweet nursling in my arms, drinking my coffee. My fingers are cold, but that's ok, I am writing. I love to write. Type, specifically. Journaling will do at times, but it is more slow. And I live at a fast pace. Sometimes that's a necessary thing, and sometimes I just get so sick of it that I want to throw off the whole lifestyle and go join a commune. :)
I don't think my family would stand for that though. Neither would our finances at this point. But let's not write of depressing things. Let's bask in the glow of a 20 month old nursling, an outlet for my thoughts, and a 55 degree sunny fall morning.
I talked to Gina last night for about an hour. It was really interesting to talk to someone who lives the lifestyle that I swore off years ago, and to not only like the person, but to not judge them as well! I suppose that maybe my non-judgementalness (if there is such a word) could come from the fact that she is expressing dissatisfaction with her long hours and how they are affecting her 15 month old. And she also was talking about how she doesn't know what she and her husband are going to do about punishing. Their 15 month old parrots them in perfect context when he falls down, or drops something... :) He says, "Oh Shit!" Or "Damn It!" I smile as I write that! I guess I think there's something funny about a person so young using "BAD" words. Vinnie has no idea that what he is saying is "socially inacceptable" for someone his age. He is only doing what his parents do, just like he is learning other things like how to put a shirt on, and to say "Hello!" when you meet someone. Her sister advised her to "pop" him in the mouth when he says it. Gina can't imagine doing that to him. Good for her! Listen to yourself, Gina. You'll be the one looking back evaluating your life in the future, not your sister.
Hmmm.... sounds like some good advice for me to take in my extended family...
I really need to go talk to Laura, but I am not anxious to, because I'm afraid of her being condescending and self righteous. I'm afraid of myself being the same way. I'm just plain afraid that the situation won't turn out as well as I want it to, so I keep avoiding it. Maybe I should email her.. No, I'll just end up going over to hash it out in person...
Anyway, this is supposed to be my work day, as I'm supposed to be setting up for the Doylestown Yard Sales this weekend. There are a mountain of little strings to be tied up, and I am running out of things to say here... I want to read some meditational stuff this morning too.
I don't think my family would stand for that though. Neither would our finances at this point. But let's not write of depressing things. Let's bask in the glow of a 20 month old nursling, an outlet for my thoughts, and a 55 degree sunny fall morning.
I talked to Gina last night for about an hour. It was really interesting to talk to someone who lives the lifestyle that I swore off years ago, and to not only like the person, but to not judge them as well! I suppose that maybe my non-judgementalness (if there is such a word) could come from the fact that she is expressing dissatisfaction with her long hours and how they are affecting her 15 month old. And she also was talking about how she doesn't know what she and her husband are going to do about punishing. Their 15 month old parrots them in perfect context when he falls down, or drops something... :) He says, "Oh Shit!" Or "Damn It!" I smile as I write that! I guess I think there's something funny about a person so young using "BAD" words. Vinnie has no idea that what he is saying is "socially inacceptable" for someone his age. He is only doing what his parents do, just like he is learning other things like how to put a shirt on, and to say "Hello!" when you meet someone. Her sister advised her to "pop" him in the mouth when he says it. Gina can't imagine doing that to him. Good for her! Listen to yourself, Gina. You'll be the one looking back evaluating your life in the future, not your sister.
Hmmm.... sounds like some good advice for me to take in my extended family...
I really need to go talk to Laura, but I am not anxious to, because I'm afraid of her being condescending and self righteous. I'm afraid of myself being the same way. I'm just plain afraid that the situation won't turn out as well as I want it to, so I keep avoiding it. Maybe I should email her.. No, I'll just end up going over to hash it out in person...
Anyway, this is supposed to be my work day, as I'm supposed to be setting up for the Doylestown Yard Sales this weekend. There are a mountain of little strings to be tied up, and I am running out of things to say here... I want to read some meditational stuff this morning too.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
My beautiful wonderful kids
Tonight my baby wanted to nurse, and my little girl didn't want to come upstairs with me so I could put the baby to bed. She'd wanted to help mix up the tortilla dough I'd just finished doing, but her sister had beaten her to it. She wasn't happy about that. She took the whisk that she'd wanted to use, and tried to bend it. She slapped it on the chair. I didn't reprimand her because the whisk was bent already anyway. She wasn't hurting it. She slapped it on the counter, and I told her, Jaidyn, I want you to be able to mix something. When I come back down, I will get something for you to mix.
No! Now! was her 'no nap today, 4 year old' response. I stayed calm and patient. Jaidyn, I said, I cannot do that right now. What do you want to do while I put Nathan to sleep? Do you want to lay down with us? Or do you want to watch a movie?
I want you to watch the movie with me, she said. We had reached a compromise. No spanking. No screaming at her, she stopped screaming at me, and we walked upstairs together. We put in Hello Kitty. Nathan nursed, we watched Hello Kitty, and I saw a glimpse of my little girl growing up. Sailor Moon was the commercial at the beginning of the video. There are different girls on the Sailor Moon show, but Jaidyn says that she likes Sailor Moon the best because she thinks she is the prettiest. Age 4, and she's saying she wants to be like the one she thinks is the prettiest. She looked so beautiful with her little round face, big round blue eyes, and her frame of straight light brown hair. I basked in the peacefulness of our relationship.
No! Now! was her 'no nap today, 4 year old' response. I stayed calm and patient. Jaidyn, I said, I cannot do that right now. What do you want to do while I put Nathan to sleep? Do you want to lay down with us? Or do you want to watch a movie?
I want you to watch the movie with me, she said. We had reached a compromise. No spanking. No screaming at her, she stopped screaming at me, and we walked upstairs together. We put in Hello Kitty. Nathan nursed, we watched Hello Kitty, and I saw a glimpse of my little girl growing up. Sailor Moon was the commercial at the beginning of the video. There are different girls on the Sailor Moon show, but Jaidyn says that she likes Sailor Moon the best because she thinks she is the prettiest. Age 4, and she's saying she wants to be like the one she thinks is the prettiest. She looked so beautiful with her little round face, big round blue eyes, and her frame of straight light brown hair. I basked in the peacefulness of our relationship.
Family Drama
What I really want to say is, "Hey! Back off! Who is the parent with more experience here, me or you?"
So much drama. Is every family this full of it? Full of shit? Aaaahhhh!!!! I can't stand it. Let's just live and let live!
So, both of my sister and brother in laws think I'm an unsafe parent. I let my kids choose their own clothing. I don't make them put on a coat if it's 65 degrees and they say they aren't cold. I let them run outside with bare feet... oh my god, they might get a bee sting! I let them choose their own diets. Oh my god, they might never have reward issues with food because food is just food, not a reward! I let my son go up and down the stairs on his own. He is completely capable. I let my kids play in the yard without worrying that they are going to run out into the street or get stolen. Oh my god, they might become independent People! What will I ever do?!
Rumors that I don't "make" them put their seat belts on when I drive, people not minding their own business... God! I am so glad James is finally seeing a way out of that little church! Maybe we can be just a tad bit more free of that whole ridiculous lifestyle. I want to move freely in a community of people who don't put their standards onto other people, especially when those other people are their friends. yeah, so I sound like a hippie liberal chick. so what? I'm so gd tired of being put in a box, up on a stage where I'm supposed to be an example to a bunch of people who could care less, or worse, despise me for being "an example". I just wanna be normal! I just wanna be me. Ok, I'm going to bed now. I'm tired, and tired of ranting.
So much drama. Is every family this full of it? Full of shit? Aaaahhhh!!!! I can't stand it. Let's just live and let live!
So, both of my sister and brother in laws think I'm an unsafe parent. I let my kids choose their own clothing. I don't make them put on a coat if it's 65 degrees and they say they aren't cold. I let them run outside with bare feet... oh my god, they might get a bee sting! I let them choose their own diets. Oh my god, they might never have reward issues with food because food is just food, not a reward! I let my son go up and down the stairs on his own. He is completely capable. I let my kids play in the yard without worrying that they are going to run out into the street or get stolen. Oh my god, they might become independent People! What will I ever do?!
Rumors that I don't "make" them put their seat belts on when I drive, people not minding their own business... God! I am so glad James is finally seeing a way out of that little church! Maybe we can be just a tad bit more free of that whole ridiculous lifestyle. I want to move freely in a community of people who don't put their standards onto other people, especially when those other people are their friends. yeah, so I sound like a hippie liberal chick. so what? I'm so gd tired of being put in a box, up on a stage where I'm supposed to be an example to a bunch of people who could care less, or worse, despise me for being "an example". I just wanna be normal! I just wanna be me. Ok, I'm going to bed now. I'm tired, and tired of ranting.
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