Is it her fault or mine?

This morning I could not take pictures of my boys, Jesse and Travis, getting on the bus for the very first time in their lives at ages 12, and 10. I was so angry with myself. I am still bitter with disappointment. The main reason I am so angry is not that I didn't get the pictures... I can get some tomorrow, no big deal... the reason I am angry is that now, our special just me and them morning, can only live in our memories. Tomorrow morning their grandma is coming over to take pictures. And I had to tell her not to come this morning, because I wanted it special just for us. I feel like I failed at being a mom who creates memories. And she will NOT fail. She is always prepared with a camera, always has some little treat for the kids, always has a happy smile and "Happy Happy Joy Joy" atttitude for them (her actual words to them last night)... no matter how she is really feeling.
From an adult perspective, that is fake. But from a kids' perspective, that is WONDERFUL! I am afraid that my kids will think more of her.....
It makes me want to cry because I really feel that there is nothing I can do to compare to her in their eyes. I am too realistic, some would say pessimistic.
I wanted some journaling therapy, and this does help a little bit. I am going to go get Savannah and Aaron up now... it's their turn to get ready for the bus. :)
At least I stuck up for myself, and told her that this is MY time with them! :) Thank Bob! (as my kids would say)