I experienced the difference between school and unschooling today

Just did science, geography, and weather map lessons with the kids... they were watching cartoons and a severe thunderstorm warning came through, prompting us to look it up online, hence the geography and weather map lesson. While we were busy, Nath...an got into the ice cream, prompting milkshakes on the deck, which led to discussing more about weather patterns, and directions-where the sun rises and sets, etc...

Life Learning Rules! on that same note... I taught cake class to 16 kids today, vs. my normal 5... I can now say from recent personal experience that mass learning does not give the same quality learning as a near 1:1 student/teacher ratio... then t...hrow in the kids dis-interest factor... and hmm..... what sticks in their brains??? OK. I'll get off my soap box now... and I did try to reign it in a lot...
ok, one last thing... "How many kids per teacher are there in a school setting??" oh yeah, a 'good' school setting ratio is 26 students to 1 teacher... I have to question the quality of that learning! Sorry. I just can't see it. The kid would have to be WAY motivated, i.e. interested, to learn, and be able to ignore all the distractions and kid-...management going on.... ok, really, I'll stop now. I'm gonna go write all this in my blog. It's one thing to hear about it, but to experience it today for myself... W.O.W.

Dealing with the Loss of Expectations

I have had to deal with the loss of expectations a lot lately. I have come to realize that most every day disappointments in life are there because we expected something to be a certain way, like life, marriage, our kids actions, our own actions, our relationships to mom, dad, brothers, sisters, what we thought we'd have by now, where we thought we'd live by now.... etc., etc.. etc... Just realizing that each person is where they are supposed to be, because we all take time to grow in our own way, has been very helpful to me. I don't get mad as quickly or as often at my kids because I am realizing (sometimes as I am telling them what I'd "expected" from them), that just because I think an 11 year old "should" act a certain way emotionally, doesn't mean that my 11 year old is as mature as this theoretical 11 year old in my head. Maybe he needs more time to grow. Maybe I should just treasure him as he is, and love him through the growing time. Isn't that what I want done for me?

So, dealing with the loss of expectations may seem hard at first, but it's oh so worth it! It makes life easier to breathe through, you can relax more, when you realize that life is relevant. Growth is relevant. Breathe. Love who you are now. Love your kids the way they are now. View life as a process.... trust that everyone grows.
Then you are free to savor life.

Life's Seasons

Spring and Summer,
Winter, Fall,
Seasons come and go.

The older I get
The more I learn
The more I want to know.

Experience begets
Love, laughter,
sorrow, and pain.

Memories, moments
Fall Away, Still...
the emotions left over
Hold their sway.

We love, we fight
we smile, we cry,
we struggle
we rest
we live
we die.

The Flow

Life goes on,
We ebb and flow
Times of growth
and times of slow

Ever reaching
Higher still
Evolving, Changing
Only as we Will.


Written at the Kalahari UWWG (unschoolers winter waterpark gathering)

The Spiritual Link between Birth and Death

Aunt Bev, Aunt Nonan, and all who shared Aunt Dorie's passing, this passage is written for you.
I am compelled to share the feeling that came over me, as I entered Aunt Dorie's hospice room a few days before her death.
There was a calm I'd expected after talking with Aunt Nonan prior to coming, but a familiarity in that calm that surprised me.
I needed to record what I learned in the short half hour I was there that evening. Bear with me as I make the connection between
two of life's great passages:


The Peaceful Cycle


Birth is such a spiritual process
When played out Naturally
Unbroken by intervention,
Bid Welcome.
No emergency, just a natural passage.

The Calm, the Steadfast Calm
The Pain Endured, in Silence shared
The Interconnection of our Souls palpable
The Love we share Empowering us.

The Laborer Surrounded and Strengthened
By family, Until the end comes....

Let the bells ring! We Celebrate!
A finished Work, A Life Begins!
And the cycle continues....

As in Birth, so in Death:

Dying is such a spiritual process
Unbroken by Intervention, Bid Welcome.
No emergency, just a natural passage
The Laboring Loved One suffers
Surrounded and Strengthened by Family

The Calm, the Steadfast Calm
The Pain Endured, in Silence shared,

The Intertwining of our Souls Palpable
The Love we share Empowering us.

Let the bells toll, We Celebrate.
A finished Work. A Life Lived.
And the cycle continues....


I felt such peace when I sat next to Aunt Dorie and held her hand. That peace was reflected in the eyes of our family along with the tiredness, and the sadness. I want to honor the Strength, Grace, and Beauty I saw in Aunt Dorie and her supporters. Thank you all for showing her your devotion. I love you.
Michelle

Positively glad to be Alive Thoughts at 2am!

Almost 2am, and I am wide awake. Maybe coffee at 10pm was not the best of ideas... yet I am truly enjoying my time at the moment, and the fact that I am getting my house much cleaner than it used to be, and much more organized, and I'm not done yet! I am making my own lavendar laundry soap, baby wipes, and facial cream from the cheapest and greenest ingredients I can find. James' grocery budgeting is a major part of our financial overhaul, and I believe that the book I am reading, 'How to Get What you Want, with the Money You Already Have' by Carol Keefe, is going to really help us in the savings department, AND make life more exciting!
I had a good visit with Jerren Helwig tonight, made a new friend, with differences, and similarities, and learned a lot about becoming a midwife. I have learned through watching the Ohio Families for Safe Birth message board, that I do not want to be a political activist. I think I want to be on much more of an intimate, spiritual level of the Safe Birth movement. I may become a CPM, eventually. We'll see.
Aaron, Jesse, and Nathan, just hit the sack about 20minutes ago. Boy are we all in for a grumpfest tomorrow, unless we sleep in late... actually, I'll make a mandatory naptime later in teh day, and we'll get the rest we need.
Yes, I said a mandatory nap time. I am realizing that being a complete 50/50 partner with my children is not going to work for our family. I would keep the level of unsure, underconfident, confusion if I lack sleep, and lack my parental authority position. Yes, I used the word authority. It has taken on a new meaning for me lately, probably the one that James has always thought it meant.... A caretaker. One who helps and guides the child when they cannot see the source of their unmet needs. Not one who teaches the child about her unmet need at the most vulnerable point, but one who deciphers that unmet need, and then supports the child through the emotions, and later discusses with the child how they got to such a vulnerable point, sharing stories of our own vulnerabilities.
I soooo do NOT want to make my children feel that they are to be controlled, are bad, or not good enough, or less than myself, or anyone else.... but I am seeing that at times, I DO know what they need better than they do. They do NOT know when they are tired, and it is affecting their mood. They refuse to admit that they are tired....
Well, maybe they are refusing my offering "the answer", of being tired, to their feelings, because they want to figure it out on their own, and if I approach it differently in the future, they will not say that they "are not tired", but will just admit that they need sleep, or comfort, or whatever.... I certainly plan to keep honing my respectful relationship skills with them, in the midst of regaining my perspective of what it means to me to be a parent.

Update on the Mom (in law) relationship

I talked to her today, quietly and honestly. I know she heard the hurt in my voice, as I told her that I couldn't use the money she gave me for my birthday, because if I bought sunglasses (or whatever), I would just feel hurt and rejection whenever I wore them because they came from her. She who said that I am now just the wife of her son, and the mother of her grandchildren. She who was my mother for so very long, and such an intimate part of my life. Too intimate for sure, but you cannot seperate from that closeness without being wounded, and even feeling the missing part long after the wound has healed.
I told her that I cannot feel good about keeping up such a sterile relationship. It feels fake. I desire a closer relationship with her other than only speaking when circumstances force us together, which is often. All the hurt from what she said to me, and what she says to others about me. gradually, but surely fades in my need for a loving mother. I remember the softness, not the hardness. I remember the love, not the disdain, and this ultimately brings me back to a place of yearning for that closeness, that sweetness that we had.
And maybe I perceived it a HELL OF A LOT DIFFERENTLY than she did. I was the child gaining sustenance from the parent, and she was the mentor doing her best to "raise" someone else's child. I perceived a commitment from her that she apparently was not giving. An unconditional love that was conditional.
I told her that in the future, she need not give me birthday gifts or presents of any sort. It does not feel good to me when I feel that I mean so little to her. It is a front. Something either done for appearances, or to make her feel good about herself for giving it to "her family".
I want to cry right now, but the release I am feeling from writing this is all I will get at the moment. I am needed as the mom downstairs.
Peace and Love I feel. The Light can only be felt in the presence of the Dark. Amen