I have begun waking up some nights at around 5:21am. Really, really early for my biological body clock that usually loves staying up past midnight and sleeping in past 10am. I went to sleep at around 1:30am, yet still woke up at 5:30 or 6am, not sure exactly when, because I tried to go back to sleep. I listened to both of my pagan CD's, each about 45 minutes each, and they sounded lovely. But my mind just wouldn't slow down. Could'be been due to the fact that I was woken up 3 times by my beautiful children wanting to come sleep with me.
My sweet Nathan woke up in his room, and I could here him getting out of bed saying, "I want to see my Mooommmy!" then again as he came down the hallway...
Jaidyn was afraid of pumpkin headed monsters, after she was awoken by her sister turning sideways and kneeing her off their sleeping pad on our bedroom floor. So she ended up in our bed. James has compromised with the kids that on Saturday nights they can sleep on our floor. And I will lay with them until they go to sleep in their rooms on other nights if they need me.
But I digress. I was thinking up all sorts of wonderful ideas about getting a food processor to grind finer wheat flour for healthier food, new board games that we can play as a family. Savannah liked our family night last night so much that she suggested we do it weekly.
spiderwebs at marc's for .89 for the halloween party, aromatherapy for Travis and I in addition to the vitamin d, finding an adventure book to read to the kids once or twice a week, and epic one that seems to go on forever to hold their interest.
buying a box with dividers to hold the clay and keep the colors seperated and the clay workable.
working on Travis' keyblade with him, watching youtube with the kids and getting ideas for things they may want to pursue
actually starting my discussions at the Doylestown library that I've been wanting to, such as the childbirth/pregnancy one, and the respectful parents, respectful kids one....or even the female reproductive health discussion. anything to boost my confidence in myself, and help me ward off these, poor me, I have no life if my kids dont' need me every second of the day, and me only feelings.
making decorations for the Halloween party, and being sure to plan ahead, not wait for the last minute to do everything...
talking to Gina about non-money ways that CORA could pay me such as discounts they may have a any stores, etc...
saying a family motto/saying before dinner while holding hands to raise family solidarity, like they do in the army...especially to create more of a James/Michelle family solidarity, not just the extended Schooling family... Oh my god. that's exactly what my MIL has been doing by having all these events at her house..building the Extended Schooling family solidarity. Thats why my kids complain so much when I say that the grandparents/cousins are ONLY extended family, not immediate family.. they have more solidarity in their minds for the extended than they do for their own immediate family. Sandi has created that, and James/I haven't made our immediate family solidarity as visible.... the kids are welcome to have both, but I do want them to have both.
I thought about music and its influence in the house, and how making music was the only way people used to be able to have it in their homes...It led me to thinking about asking the high school for discounts or freebies on musical instruments they have/no longer use...bells, xylophones, etc...
ok, I'm going to go walk Chloe now... I need some physical excercise.... :)
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
The Process is sooo frustrating!!
I am currently trying to please dh's wants for Travis' education... we have tried unschooling which Travis loves, and dh doesn't. We have tried Video Schooling thru Bob Jones. I hated it, so did Travis. It was curriculum. It would have satisfied dh.
Currently we have tried BOSS schooling.... Missouri curriculum. My thoughts were to minimize the amount of bookwork required to complete the grade. Travis would be compromising, dh would be mostly satisfied....
Now T. doesn't want to do the bookwork... he thinks that he just can't do it.. I think anxiety is playing a role here, and he just feels incapable... I don't know what to do. I left a message with his teacher asking if we could switch to all online classes where a teacher would teach him, and he wouldn't be able to push it off so easily because of the anxiety.... we may try it and see how it goes... he wants to. But I just wonder if all these things we are trying are just going to lead us to find out that unschooling is the best path for him... we are probably going to go the long way for dh's sake mostly and prove that Travis knows what he needs....
I'm frustrated mostly because I feel like I am the one doing all this work of preparing, calling the school, driving, trying to get him to do schoolwork, etc... all for dh.
I guess I could look at it as a way that I am meeting dh's needs..... helping him sort through what works for our family and what doesn't.....
If it were just me, I would just do what Travis feels. It's his life. He is his own person with his own unique capabilities and limitations....
I would be a little nervous, but would follow my gut, right or wrong.....
Currently we have tried BOSS schooling.... Missouri curriculum. My thoughts were to minimize the amount of bookwork required to complete the grade. Travis would be compromising, dh would be mostly satisfied....
Now T. doesn't want to do the bookwork... he thinks that he just can't do it.. I think anxiety is playing a role here, and he just feels incapable... I don't know what to do. I left a message with his teacher asking if we could switch to all online classes where a teacher would teach him, and he wouldn't be able to push it off so easily because of the anxiety.... we may try it and see how it goes... he wants to. But I just wonder if all these things we are trying are just going to lead us to find out that unschooling is the best path for him... we are probably going to go the long way for dh's sake mostly and prove that Travis knows what he needs....
I'm frustrated mostly because I feel like I am the one doing all this work of preparing, calling the school, driving, trying to get him to do schoolwork, etc... all for dh.
I guess I could look at it as a way that I am meeting dh's needs..... helping him sort through what works for our family and what doesn't.....
If it were just me, I would just do what Travis feels. It's his life. He is his own person with his own unique capabilities and limitations....
I would be a little nervous, but would follow my gut, right or wrong.....
Thursday, August 20, 2009
I experienced the difference between school and unschooling today
Just did science, geography, and weather map lessons with the kids... they were watching cartoons and a severe thunderstorm warning came through, prompting us to look it up online, hence the geography and weather map lesson. While we were busy, Nath...an got into the ice cream, prompting milkshakes on the deck, which led to discussing more about weather patterns, and directions-where the sun rises and sets, etc...
Life Learning Rules! on that same note... I taught cake class to 16 kids today, vs. my normal 5... I can now say from recent personal experience that mass learning does not give the same quality learning as a near 1:1 student/teacher ratio... then t...hrow in the kids dis-interest factor... and hmm..... what sticks in their brains??? OK. I'll get off my soap box now... and I did try to reign it in a lot...
ok, one last thing... "How many kids per teacher are there in a school setting??" oh yeah, a 'good' school setting ratio is 26 students to 1 teacher... I have to question the quality of that learning! Sorry. I just can't see it. The kid would have to be WAY motivated, i.e. interested, to learn, and be able to ignore all the distractions and kid-...management going on.... ok, really, I'll stop now. I'm gonna go write all this in my blog. It's one thing to hear about it, but to experience it today for myself... W.O.W.
Life Learning Rules! on that same note... I taught cake class to 16 kids today, vs. my normal 5... I can now say from recent personal experience that mass learning does not give the same quality learning as a near 1:1 student/teacher ratio... then t...hrow in the kids dis-interest factor... and hmm..... what sticks in their brains??? OK. I'll get off my soap box now... and I did try to reign it in a lot...
ok, one last thing... "How many kids per teacher are there in a school setting??" oh yeah, a 'good' school setting ratio is 26 students to 1 teacher... I have to question the quality of that learning! Sorry. I just can't see it. The kid would have to be WAY motivated, i.e. interested, to learn, and be able to ignore all the distractions and kid-...management going on.... ok, really, I'll stop now. I'm gonna go write all this in my blog. It's one thing to hear about it, but to experience it today for myself... W.O.W.
ok, one last thing... "How many kids per teacher are there in a school setting??" oh yeah, a 'good' school setting ratio is 26 students to 1 teacher... I have to question the quality of that learning! Sorry. I just can't see it. The kid would have to be WAY motivated, i.e. interested, to learn, and be able to ignore all the distractions and kid-...management going on.... ok, really, I'll stop now. I'm gonna go write all this in my blog. It's one thing to hear about it, but to experience it today for myself... W.O.W.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Dealing with the Loss of Expectations
I have had to deal with the loss of expectations a lot lately. I have come to realize that most every day disappointments in life are there because we expected something to be a certain way, like life, marriage, our kids actions, our own actions, our relationships to mom, dad, brothers, sisters, what we thought we'd have by now, where we thought we'd live by now.... etc., etc.. etc... Just realizing that each person is where they are supposed to be, because we all take time to grow in our own way, has been very helpful to me. I don't get mad as quickly or as often at my kids because I am realizing (sometimes as I am telling them what I'd "expected" from them), that just because I think an 11 year old "should" act a certain way emotionally, doesn't mean that my 11 year old is as mature as this theoretical 11 year old in my head. Maybe he needs more time to grow. Maybe I should just treasure him as he is, and love him through the growing time. Isn't that what I want done for me?
So, dealing with the loss of expectations may seem hard at first, but it's oh so worth it! It makes life easier to breathe through, you can relax more, when you realize that life is relevant. Growth is relevant. Breathe. Love who you are now. Love your kids the way they are now. View life as a process.... trust that everyone grows.
Then you are free to savor life.
So, dealing with the loss of expectations may seem hard at first, but it's oh so worth it! It makes life easier to breathe through, you can relax more, when you realize that life is relevant. Growth is relevant. Breathe. Love who you are now. Love your kids the way they are now. View life as a process.... trust that everyone grows.
Then you are free to savor life.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Life's Seasons
Spring and Summer,
Winter, Fall,
Seasons come and go.
The older I get
The more I learn
The more I want to know.
Experience begets
Love, laughter,
sorrow, and pain.
Memories, moments
Fall Away, Still...
the emotions left over
Hold their sway.
We love, we fight
we smile, we cry,
we struggle
we rest
we live
we die.
Winter, Fall,
Seasons come and go.
The older I get
The more I learn
The more I want to know.
Experience begets
Love, laughter,
sorrow, and pain.
Memories, moments
Fall Away, Still...
the emotions left over
Hold their sway.
We love, we fight
we smile, we cry,
we struggle
we rest
we live
we die.
The Flow
Life goes on,
We ebb and flow
Times of growth
and times of slow
Ever reaching
Higher still
Evolving, Changing
Only as we Will.
Written at the Kalahari UWWG (unschoolers winter waterpark gathering)
We ebb and flow
Times of growth
and times of slow
Ever reaching
Higher still
Evolving, Changing
Only as we Will.
Written at the Kalahari UWWG (unschoolers winter waterpark gathering)
The Spiritual Link between Birth and Death
Aunt Bev, Aunt Nonan, and all who shared Aunt Dorie's passing, this passage is written for you.
I am compelled to share the feeling that came over me, as I entered Aunt Dorie's hospice room a few days before her death.
There was a calm I'd expected after talking with Aunt Nonan prior to coming, but a familiarity in that calm that surprised me.
I needed to record what I learned in the short half hour I was there that evening. Bear with me as I make the connection between
two of life's great passages:
The Peaceful Cycle
Birth is such a spiritual process
When played out Naturally
Unbroken by intervention,
Bid Welcome.
No emergency, just a natural passage.
The Calm, the Steadfast Calm
The Pain Endured, in Silence shared
The Interconnection of our Souls palpable
The Love we share Empowering us.
The Laborer Surrounded and Strengthened
By family, Until the end comes....
Let the bells ring! We Celebrate!
A finished Work, A Life Begins!
And the cycle continues....
As in Birth, so in Death:
Dying is such a spiritual process
Unbroken by Intervention, Bid Welcome.
No emergency, just a natural passage
The Laboring Loved One suffers
Surrounded and Strengthened by Family
The Calm, the Steadfast Calm
The Pain Endured, in Silence shared,
The Intertwining of our Souls Palpable
The Love we share Empowering us.
Let the bells toll, We Celebrate.
A finished Work. A Life Lived.
And the cycle continues....
I felt such peace when I sat next to Aunt Dorie and held her hand. That peace was reflected in the eyes of our family along with the tiredness, and the sadness. I want to honor the Strength, Grace, and Beauty I saw in Aunt Dorie and her supporters. Thank you all for showing her your devotion. I love you.
Michelle
I am compelled to share the feeling that came over me, as I entered Aunt Dorie's hospice room a few days before her death.
There was a calm I'd expected after talking with Aunt Nonan prior to coming, but a familiarity in that calm that surprised me.
I needed to record what I learned in the short half hour I was there that evening. Bear with me as I make the connection between
two of life's great passages:
The Peaceful Cycle
Birth is such a spiritual process
When played out Naturally
Unbroken by intervention,
Bid Welcome.
No emergency, just a natural passage.
The Calm, the Steadfast Calm
The Pain Endured, in Silence shared
The Interconnection of our Souls palpable
The Love we share Empowering us.
The Laborer Surrounded and Strengthened
By family, Until the end comes....
Let the bells ring! We Celebrate!
A finished Work, A Life Begins!
And the cycle continues....
As in Birth, so in Death:
Dying is such a spiritual process
Unbroken by Intervention, Bid Welcome.
No emergency, just a natural passage
The Laboring Loved One suffers
Surrounded and Strengthened by Family
The Calm, the Steadfast Calm
The Pain Endured, in Silence shared,
The Intertwining of our Souls Palpable
The Love we share Empowering us.
Let the bells toll, We Celebrate.
A finished Work. A Life Lived.
And the cycle continues....
I felt such peace when I sat next to Aunt Dorie and held her hand. That peace was reflected in the eyes of our family along with the tiredness, and the sadness. I want to honor the Strength, Grace, and Beauty I saw in Aunt Dorie and her supporters. Thank you all for showing her your devotion. I love you.
Michelle
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