My high dive personality and other musings

I've been having this growing period lately. It's a little like going through a time warp. I see all the past events flying past me as pictures, and I'm realizing how different I am becoming, even as I admire my new growth, and experience the sadness of losing my old form. The butterfly has always been a wonderful analogy for growth. I'm sure, even as its wings are drying, the sun shining on him, he looks back and wonders if it will be ok to be a butterfly, he was so comfortable being a caterpillar, and then a larvae...
The sadness engulfed me yesterday. Thinking of J and the kids going up to the farm for Thanksgiving, a big family tradition for so many years. I mean how much more iconicly American can you get? A family of 40 or more, gathering in a big old farmhouse that sits on 40 acres amoung the rolling hills. Even the drive there feels so nostalgic and peaceful every time, like you are going back to another time when life was more simple. Driving up and over the hills in the blackness, not knowing what'll be on the other side, or if you're headed there during the day, seeing the rolling greenery, the big rolls of hay dotting their skin.
Was that how it really was when I was there? or just how my storytelling  mind remembers it? Wasn't I more concerned with going over my plans to convert these medically minded farmers to my natural birthing theories? or to educate them in how their bodies worked to give birth? Oh Lord. I can laugh at myself now, remembering how I dragged J's cousins out in the cold entryway of the house where the fold out dinner tables and chairs had been set for the next day in rows, as if for a church social event. There may have been one curious and willing participant in those "discussions" that mostly consisted of me preaching my latest obsession to them. I preached the values of knowing what your body is doing at all times. It was relevant to us, as most of us were in the throes of early childbearing, needing to know when we were fertile and not fertile. But the part I look back on with amusement is that I was so hell bent on getting these women to do what I was doing. I wasn't cherishing the value of getting together with family once a year. I was on the warpath to convert these poor ignorant souls; to save them from the evil medical establishment that tries to pull the wool over their eyes and keep them from understanding their own bodies. Oh that is enlightening to see myself in such a way. Maybe someday I will learn to settle in to the grey of life, like J used to tell me. Or not. I mean, really, that's just who I am. At least now I can separate myself from the experience enough to realize when I am starting to climb that high dive ladder.

I am a Nursing Student

I had this little moment of epiphany that was encouraging a minute ago. I was standing in line at Starbucks for my grande latte, and I looked around seeing that most of the people here have money, are dressed nicely, are a "certain type" of person. Then I looked down at my new dark jeans, new brown men's dress shoes, and my new 3/4 length sleeve cream sweater (all purchased on my Student Loan credit card), and thought... "I am one of these people too."
Now this is all said very well aware of where I came from and how truly shallow these things are, yet it gave me a little boost of confidence and motivation that I badly needed after narrowly escaping a D in my Anatomy Lecture Exam a little over an hour ago. I have been so frustrated with this class. It's difficulty level is very high, and I have been treating it as just an aspect of my life instead of a main focus as it requires. My focus has gotten better and better with each low C I have received over the past two or three exams. Thankfully, I've been scoring higher in my Lab Practical Exams and those grades are holding me at a solid overall grade of 79%. One point away from a B.
 I have been struggling with the fact that at 35 years old I am making $8 an hour, and trying to remedy that by spending a lot of time on networking and building a beautiful resume. I may not be focusing where I should be. I will be making $25 to $30 an hour after getting this degree. It is highly important that I EXCEL at these classes, so as to be hand picked for the first available nursing classes. Thankfully no one will see the separate exam scores only the overall class score. Thinking about that end goal of a high wage (as shallow as that may seem) is motivating me to focus harder on my classes. I have children to provide for, to motivate, to help excel. I must focus hard and do well to provide for myself and them now, and for myself in the future when they are supporting themselves.
I am not just an $8/hr home health aide. I AM A NURSING STUDENT.

Keeping the house clean... What a CHORE!

I have made many an attempt to keep our house clean... this has proven difficult because I am not usually an organized person, I am just learning to be. This means that I have to retrain myself and my children. Here are my latest attempts to do so with a houes full of six children under the age of 18, and one, soon to be two adults...

Below you will see the chart that hangs on our fridge this week. It's a format I made up and each week I reprint another one with different dates and people for each job.

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Shared Responsibilities (switched every 2 weeks): 10-25 to 11-8

Jesse *Washing Dishes – Daily, Keep sink empty of dirty dishes, be available for after meal cleanup

Savannah *Sweeping Downstairs Carpet – Th, Sat, *Use Windex or natural spray to clean downstairs bathroom sink and toilet – Fridays

Aaron*Sweeping Upstairs Carpet – Th, Sat, *Use Windex or natural spray to clean upstairs bathroom sink and toilet – Fridays

Travis *Sweeping/Mopping Kitchen/Bathrooms – Th, Sat, *Clean Showers – Fri

Jaidyn  *Take out trash bags to big brown can, and help Nathan keep all floors clean.

Nathan *Keep all toys off of downstairs floors and in toy boxes

*Older 4 kids, do your own laundry – you are responsible for having clean clothing.

Everyone:

*Throw away all of your trash

*Rinse the dishes you eat on, and put in the sink as soon as you are done eating

*Do NOT eat anywhere other than the kitchen or the dining room table… these rules are to keep our house free of bugs and mice! And the carpets clean.

*Keep your rooms clean: i.e., nothing on the floor, beds made every morning, and everything in its place.

Warning:

The shirking* of these responsibilities will result in the loss of privileges: meaning time with friends, computer, TV, and anything else any of your parents think is necessary.

               REWARD

However, being responsible and doing your daily work without reminder, will reward you with more freedom, more privileges, and your $$ Allowance $$.

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Today I am hoping to inspire my kids further through a couple of different methods. I hope to imprint their memory with the importance of this issue through doing an activity together, and to remind them of the kinds of issues you have when you do not clean through the content of said activity. The chore chart above and the $2/week allowance has done more than all of the nagging I have done in my life to keep us on track. I am hungry for a new level of clean, and hope to inspire the kids towards it as well. I just googled "make your own crossword puzzle", came up with http://puzzlemaker.discoveryeducation.com/CrissCrossSetupForm.asp , and had fun making this reminder!

Keeping the House Clean

Across

2. showers collect this every day

4. Mom washed the what this morning?

5. Keeping a house clean is a what on dirt?

6. Cleaning is

8. People didn't pick up their candy

11. Do you want to ? in the grimy shower?

12. Everything naturally turns to this

13. Let's keep our house

14. if this is everywhere, so are mites

Down

1. ALL what? need swept EVERY DAY

3. Mom picked up tons of ? stuff

7. Mom also did this

8. Will you get some this ?

9. toilets collect waste daily

10. is what Mom should have been doing

11. Do you want to sit on a ? toilet?

13. is what you get for doing a good job

17 of 19 words were placed into the puzzle.

Created by Puzzlemaker at DiscoveryEducation.com

5 Basic Human Needs for Emotional Health

Certainty, Variety, Significance, Love/Connection, Growth, and Contribution.

Trying my hand

Adrienne, Rich in experience
lends light to
Eve, at the beginning of herself
old bonds still attached, pulling
the sharp pain of that last little
stubborn cord detaching
New life, so raw
the shock of it, bright, unrelenting
I'm still wet behind the ears
still longing for the warmth of the womb,
yet reveling in the freedom to stretch my
mind,
to set my own boundaries
Vision yet blurry, tippy toes pointing
I blink, I breathe, I wonder?.......

Dedicated to Adrienne Rich, much loved poet, introduced to me on this day of her death, March 29, 2012

Truth

"Truth is relevant to the speaker, and no one person's truth can be made to be another's" - Eve Latchouli

My Vision for Life 3/16/2012

I travel talking to people about education, birth, and parenting reformation. When I am not traveling, I am writing, I am taking time for me, I am relaxing, I am gardening, I am spending quality time with my partner.

I am a published author on a variety of themes. My first book is being published in 2013.

My kids learn wherever, however, and whenever it suits them.

We all pursue our passions daily. I feel content with my daily life.

I don't worry about money!

I feel like I am doing good things for the world.

I have a lover who is my best friend and we live together! We take time for each other and support one another. We have a wonderful relationship in every way. She travels with me for work when she wants to.

My partner and I are wonderful co-parents to our kids along with James and his partner.

My children entertain themselves with learning things that will propel them off in their individual interests and will support them financially. The kids feel well supported and know that they are loved and cared for physically and emotionally by many people.

They often come on trips with me and my partner for work, and with their dad to his work. They learn from real life. From their own research.

Life is a wonderful patchwork of lessons and love and happiness and apprecation.