glad to view the Process....

I just read over my posts from the last year. The place I am in was inevitable. I cannot stop the real me from coming out. No pun intended. It's like giving birth. You just cannot go back once you have grown up.
Yes, it makes me sad that I cannot homeschool my kids right now. But I cannot change that at this point. And I am working towards my goal of having a better job, and one that I can take more than 2 days off per week.
I am doing the best that I can. That's what I need to focus on.

Critical

Many are critical of my choices. My main concern should be that I not be critical of myself. There is no 'right' way. There is only the way that I choose, and the ways that I do not choose. There is only the here and now, and simultaneously, there is the future I plan for, and the past I struggle to learn from.
I am who I am, and simultaneously, I am who I want to become.
Life is so fluid, and so multi-layered and leveled, it's not just about whose shoes I've walked in. There are too many variables. No two lives are the same. So why worry about what another thinks of my choices? Do I really think that they know better than I do about the many varied nuances of my life, my character, my situation, my pros/cons?
Or can they only look through their lens? It's just not practical to think that someone else can decide for me what to do with my life. I am the only me. No one else can actually walk in my shoes. No one's feet fit so perfectly in them as mine.
Releasing the grip on my chest, the crushing weight of my need for others' approval. Like a fist loosening its grip, stiffly, slowly at first, flexing, stretching, practicing my freedom. Less Critical. More Forgiving. This is what I choose.

Sometimes I wonder...

Sometimes I wonder why things happen the way they do... sometimes I cry inside for what never was... sometimes I cry outside for what I couldn't accomplish. Tears and Time wash away the sharpest edges of the pain, and Love tells me that I'm allowed to be happy. And I am. So Happy.
I'm proud to be honest, proud to be Out. In love with my woman.

Who Says?

Who Says?
by Michelle Schooling on Thursday, March 24, 2011 at 3:21am

Who says that love has to be traditional?

who says that I have to be someone I am not?

What authority puts me in my place?

Who says what place I should be in?



Who writes the story of my life?

Who defines happpiness as one size fits all?

I'm not wearing someone else's life.

I'm not happy in someone else's dreams...



I am who I am.

I am true to my own self.

Who says I am selfish for loving myself?

Isn't that what life is about?



Don't you want your children to love themselves?

I do.

I want my kids to love themselves so that I know

they will be taken care of.



I say what makes me happy.

I say who I am.

I make my own happiness.

I say. That's who says.

Coming Out - A Spiritual Experience by Elicia Prior Schwartz

In the mean time i found this thing i wrote and read for a service at UUCA for national coming out day... I didn't know if you would find it interesting or not... either way i thought I'd share it with you. :)

Coming Out - A Spiritual Experience

For a while I fought the thoughts, I feared
trying not to think
Afraid that if anyone knew....
but they kept coming
So i allowed myself to think the thoughts, to feel my feelings
as long as I didn't label them, at 14
as if somehow that would keep me safe
Then finally, I could stay trapped in my mind no more
as I stared out a door into the darkness
my back turned to her, my friend
the fear gripping me
saying it would make me face it
would make it REAL
but i had to break the chains to my silence
"I'm Bisexual"
I said holding my breath
ready to pretend I was just joking
just in case she freaked
she said me too.....
I turned around so fast, the biggest smile
on our faces and we laughed and jumped up and down
we were finally free,
at least with each other...
but then I knew
I was coming out, and this meant that I had
to reject the idea of a God, of a spirit
that would reject me, damn me, hate me, ban me
Now I fought the thoughts of God instead
because I was sinning, that's what they say
and there was no place for us
I felt ostracized
cast aside
out into a wilderness where there was no chance for my salvation
years go by
a repressed fear
always under my surface
bubbling anger
then one day in the strangest circumstance
I met a cute Mormon boy trying to convert
my soul - save me
and all I wanted was to flirt
so I humored him
and he gave me this bible page
that I kept tacked to my wall for all the years
of my youth
it was god talking
saying Do not believe this just because
you read it in some book
pray about it, search your soul
and you will know MY truth
so I got down on me knees
one weak night when I couldn't take it any longer
an said
"TELL ME GOD"
what do you feel, what is right
and then I knew
it burst through like an explosion
of light of acceptance, eternal
Love Is Never Wrong
and the heavy cloak of shame and guilt and regret
dropped from my shoulders never to
be picked up again by me
and yet I was still alone
in this new found truth
my reconnection to a higher power
an all loving power
and I walked among those
still wearing their cloaks
because there was no place that we knew
that would validate our love
our contributions
our sacrifices,
our relationships
our families

I clung tight
to the immense love and light
I carried and tried to share
with those crying in bathrooms
over friends who would kill themselves
because of a world filled with
hate, intolerance, ignorance, and fear
we'd shelter the light for each
other, so that they
and we would not get swallowed
in the darkness
and we tried to fight for a better world
and then came
My Children
and I knew there had to be
somewhere that
people believed like me, in an all encompassing love
I needed to surround us
with these teachings, I longed to grow
and I needed this
and by the grace of God
I came to this place
to this amazing loving place
where my children will grow
knowing
ONLY LOVE,
ONLY ACCEPTANCE
where they can be REAL always
and they will NEVER be cast away
into the darkness
and they will NEVER walk alone

So I come out - with pride - with celebration
I come out to my children, to my family to
everyone I can
because now i know that UU exists
that other places of welcoming and love exist too
That if I speak out and spread the word
maybe I can, maybe we can
hold up high the lights
of love so high
so that all around
we may see our way through the darkness
together
as one

MEMORIZATION TECHNIQUES for NON-LINEAR MINDS

MEMORIZATION TECHNIQUES for NON-LINEAR MINDS
(c) 1995,96 by Robert E. Frazier - all rights reserved
This may be reproduced, reprinted, and/or distributed so long as it is
not altered in any fashion, and contains the above copyright notice.


For me, the task of memorizing detail has always been a chore. Yet, it
seems that much of the education we all receive involves a LOT of such
activity. We take history classes, and memorize lots of names, dates,
and places that have no meaning whatsoever to us, regurgitate them onto
a test, and hope our score is above a 'C' when we complete the semester.
Yet, there is absolutely NO meaning to the information, and it is quickly
lost and "re-taught" to us, over and over, if only to re-inforce this
"by rote" memorization technique in our minds.

Yet, for the 'non-linear' mind, this type of "by rote" memorization is
not only appalling, but represents a detestable activity which is best
avoided, at all costs, including bad grades, disciplinary problems, and
so on. Yet, this seems to be the ONLY method presented to us during our
grade school lives, and we are expected to have mastered it by the time
we reach high school and college. Unfortunately, it works well ONLY for
linear minds. Repitition just isn't in the diet of a non-linear thinker,
who constantly searches for the 'new' and 'interesting' among the
'background' of 'ordinary'.

All of the memory experts I know of agree on one thing: the human brain
remembers through ASSOCIATION. By my own observations, there seem to be
certain 'pathways' along which memories are stored. My field of expertise
is in computers and information science. As such, I have an affinity
towards an analogy (and not an incorrect one) between the human brain and
a computer. Computers cannot think, but they CAN remember very very well.
Yet, even with computers, remembering where something has been placed is
a typical problem as their storage capacity increases. Those of us who
have large hard drives cluttered with thousands of files know exactly
what I'm talking about. So, with the computer comes an organizing method
that tries to define a "group" or "sub-group" of files, so that they can
be more quickly identified through something that is common to them, and
more easily understood, and more easily located. In the case of the
computer, it is a named directory or sub-directory. The name is important
to us, since it represents what we are looking for, and not where the data
is. And, we use that name, along a PATHWAY, to finally locate our file.

The human brain is similar. The different directories might be labelled
"sigh", "hearing", "smell", "taste", "touch", "fear", "pain", "love",
"hate", "pleasure", "humor", and so on, based on the experience that is
associated with the item to be remembered. The brain stores all of its
information chemically. One hypothesis suggests that the memory is
re-triggered by firing the neurons 'attached' to it in a similar pattern
to that of the memory itself (like a computer address), thus causing the
person 'remembering' to re-experience the sensations stored as a 'memory'.

So, if we consider how computers store information (number addresses) we
can also attempt to create an easily recognized address for our brain to
use to 'store' data as well. This technique is referred to as
"association" and has been successfully employed for years by several
memory experts. I refer to these 'addresses' of information as "pathways"
by which we can retrieve information from our own brains. To initiate the
pathway, we need to have a starting point that's easily remembered by
itself, and once invoked, the pathway is followed directly to the
information we are trying to remember.

Example: Suppose your wife or husband or parent called you on the phone
and asked you to pick up some items at the store. You didn't have a pen
or paper with you, and you needed to remember the list quickly. It is a
list of several items, none of which are related to one another in any
common purpose. You must memorize them as quickly as possible...

Here is the list:
1) Bananas
2) Brillo pads
3) Pork Chops
4) A carving knife
5) Butter
6) Dog Food
7) Canned Peas
8) Beans
9) Flashlight Batteries

These are typical items you find in any grocery store, with no real
relationship to one another. And, you must remember them in a hurry, and
remember it accurately. So, how do you do it? Well, one associative
technique you can use is to visualize each item acting on a different part
of your body, in a manner that causes a strong emotional response. Since
you are walking to the store (in this example, we'll say you are walking)
then we will begin with the feet and work up. So, you might memorize the
list like so:

1) Bananas - imagine you are wearing bananas instead of shoes, and people
are laughing at you because you have bananas instead of shoes
2) Brillo Pads - you are wearing Brillo Pads on your knee caps, like knee
pads, while scrubbing a floor. (that's pretty funny, if you think about it)
3) Pork Chops - your legs are NOW oversized pork chops, complete with
plastic wrap and a tag (at $1.89 a pound - how much are your legs worth??)
4) A carving knife - imagine a carving knife stabbed into your navel. OUCH!
5) Butter - there is BUTTER smeared all over your chest!
6) Dog Food - the dog is licking the butter on your chest! (DOWN Fido!)
7) Canned Peas - You are wearing a neclace about your neck, made entirely
of peas, with little cans for charms.
8) Beans - you have beans stuffed in your nose. Or, in your ears, if you
prefer (there's a song called 'Beans in my ears' as I recall...).
9) Flashlight batteries - Your hair is "rolled up" in curlers, except that
the curlers are flashlight batteries.


OK - now, WITHOUT peeking, let's see how much you remember:

You are WALKING to the store, so start with your feet...
1) Feet = ?
2) Knees = ?
3) Legs/Thighs = ?
4) Abdomen/Navel = ?
5) Chest = ?
6) Chest (again) = ? (related to the one above)
7) Neck = ?
8) Head/Face/Nose/Ears = ?
9) Hair = ?

(you can grade this one yourself).


Okay, you say, I understand that this works for things like GROCERY LISTS,
but I have a bunch of NUMBERS I have to remember, including dates, and
places that I've never BEEN to, and people's names I've never HEARD of. So,
how do I remember THESE? Well, the truth is, you remember EVERYTHING you
experience - absolutely EVERYTHING. The only problem is that you merely
forgot where you "put" the information. It's not lost, but you need to
find some 'key' that you can use to retrieve it. And, since the information
is stored in MULTIPLE locations, if you reliably associate the information
with multiple 'pathways' you are much more likely to retrieve it. So, when
studying it is VERY helpful to employ as many of your 5 senses as possible,
and if you reflect on the information, or draw conclusions from it, you are
that much more likely to recall it later on.

Some people memorize well by DOING. A typical activity that may help in
this area could involve some level of 'rote', but hopefully in a manner
that does not allow you to lose interest. For example: Let's suppose you
had to remember a series of dates within a given year, for various battles
fought in the Civil War, and you had to relate each date with the place that
the battle was fought in. Well, one way to memorize this would be to create
a large calendar, then using small cards with the battles on them, arrange
them according to their date (possibly just the month and 1st digit of the
date to begin with). Then, shuffle them up again, and repeat the task.
Since each repetition involves several skills, and is 'different enough'
each time through, it will not quickly become 'boring' (like writing
something down 50 times to memorize it). Also, if you repeat the name of
each battle and the date while placing it down, you end up creating an
additional "pathway" in which the information is stored. So, using this
technique, you store the information by 1) experience in doing a task,
2) sight, 3) speech, and 4) hearing, as well as any cognitive activity that
might be going on as you try to correctly place the various 'battle cards'
"without peeking".

At some point in time, though, you may need to memorize something that is
totally abstract, without any obvious relationship to anything else. But,
there is a good example of how to do this that is often used by biology
students. This is the method of 'mnemonics', or making a word/phrase out
of the initials of what we want to memorize. In biology class I learned
the order of the various biological classifications by memorizing the
phrase: "Kings Play Chess On Fine Grain Sand", representing "Kingdom",
"Phylum", "Class", "Order", "Family", "Genus", and "Species", which I still
remember, even 30 years later. Obviously this method works. And, similar
to this method is a 'visual mnemonic' used by electrical engineers, known
as the 'right hand rule' and the 'left hand rule'. When the hand is placed
in the correct position, the thumb represents 'Motion', the 1st finger on
the hand 'Field', and the middle finger 'Current'. When I was in the Navy
I was taught that this could be remembered by "Mary's Fuzzy Cat". Well,
similar. (Double entendre's stick with you for a LONG LONG time...)

Those of us who have musical inclination may wish to make up songs, or
rhythmic 'raps' to memorize something. We all know how well those T.V.
commercial jingles stick in our heads. If you don't believe me, just
try filling in the blank on these items below:
"You deserve a break today, so get up and get away, to ..."
"... tastes good like a cigarette should" (for those old enough to remember)
"Plop, Plop, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is" (product is: ...)

Fortunately, advertisers don't use such "jingles" nearly as often as they
used to, so my examples are a bit "dated". Still, the technique works well,
and can be used for remembering various things. In fact, the effort you
make in CREATING the song (which is best kept to the tune of something you
already know, so you can recall it easily) reinforces the memorization
process even more; therefore, it is best to make up your own songs and not
'borrow' anyone elses unless you are out of choices for the moment.

Many years ago I read through an old correspondence course on improving
memory, written by a man named Dr. Bruno Furst. One of the techniques he
outlined involved memorizing numbers, by associating each number with an
object that was common, and easily remembered, and easily associated with
a unique sound or type of sound. His method went something like this:
1 - the letter 't', to be associated with a teacup. 'T' has a single
downward stroke, and can easily be associated with a '1'.
2 - the letter 'n', to be associated with Noah. The letter 'n' has 2
downward strokes, and can easily be associated with a '2'.
3 - the letter 'm', to be associated with May (the month). The letter 'm'
has 3 downward strokes, and can be easily associated with a '3'.
4 - the letter 'r', the last letter in 4, to be associated with 'Ray', as
in a ray of light from a flashlight. The letter 'r' looks somewhat like
a reversed '4' if you squint hard...
5 - the letter 'h', as in 'hand', on which you have 5 fingers.
6 - The letter 'j', to be associated with a jack-o-lantern. The letter
'J' is similar to a reversed '6'.
7 - The letter 'l', to be associated with a lantern or lamp. 'L' looks
like an upside-down '7'.
8 - The letter 'b', to be associated with a bee, as a 'B' looks a lot like
the number '8'.
9 - The HARD letter 'g', to be associated with a gate, as 'g' looks a lot
like the number '9'.
0 - The letter 'z', or 's', to be associated with a snake. 'Z' and 'S'
have similar phonetic characteristics, and zero begins with 'z'.

Each letter above was chosen also because it represents a different type
of consonant, offering possible substitutes as follows:
1: t, d
2: n
3: m
4: r
5: h
6: j, or soft 'g'
7: l
8: b, p
9: g, k, q
0: z, s

Using this technique, the word 'pickle' would represent the number 897.
The more obvious drawback to this method, though, is the need to memorize
the 'code' first, before you can use it. But, once memorized, a code such
as this one can be effectively used to memorize any numeric quantity. And,
in combination with other methods, it can be a useful tool to remember
things that are associated around numbers. Let's say you wish to remember
how many BTU's there are per kilowatt-hour of power. (Incidentally, I am
NOT using this example based on prior knowledge - I shall be generating the
memorization 'key' as I go along). There are 3413.0 BTU's per KW-hour of
power. Using the technique above, 3413 becomes mrtm, or mrtm.s if you add
the '.0' at the end. Also, the object associated with each number are:
'May' (as envisioned by a 'may pole'), 'Ray' (a flashlight beam), 'Teacup',
and 'May' again. Because 'May' is repeated, a combination solution might
work best. So, with the 1st three digits 'mrt' we can have 'Mr. T', and
the 4th item 'May' as 'Mr. T' dancing around a maypole. (I pity the poor
fool who dances around MY maypole!). Now, given this image in your mind,
associate with Kilowatts (power meters also attached to the maypole) and
BTU (British Thermal Units) - have Mr. T carry a 'Union Jack' and wear a
British revolutionary war uniform while dancing around the maypole. The
end result is pretty silly, but for some odd reason, the more rediculous
something is the more likely you are to remember it later. If you don't
believe it, just fill in the blank: "Please don't squeeze the ...".


Whatever means of memorizing information that you choose to use for
yourself, you must involve something that you are already good at, or
else you will spend an inordinate amount of time perfecting your 'method'
while at the same time you may fail to learn how to memorize effectively.
Repeated success is an imporant part of 'learning how to learn', and not
just 'doing better next time.' So, start with something you know, and
build on it. The techniques I outlined above may not work for you, but
the principles behind them will. After all, our brains work pretty much
the same way, in general, and we need to have some sort of easily retrieved
"pathway" by which we can access information in our minds.

****************************************************************************

A Beginning of a Resume for Travis.... 2/28/2010

Hello Susan. My 12 year old son is a very gifted artist. He enjoys making clay figurines (which he sells, and re-invests most of the money into more clay). He also draws cartoon characters wonderfully, and enjoys doing interior design drawing.
He is a singer as well. He sings in coffee shop open mike nights, where he is the only person performing under the age of 20... most of the performers are 20 to 50 years old.. but he has no issues being on stage. He loves acting, and is a wonderful director. He directs plays with his siblings and friends.. and also performs in the plays.

Please let me know if there would be any way he could further advance his passions at the Beck Center. He really deserves to.

I would be willing to barter talents, or work at the BC, during his classes to offset costs if that would be a possibility. I am very open to any suggestions you may be able to brainstorm with me about...

Thank you for considering....

Michelle Schooling